“For I received from the Lord what I also handed on to you, that the Lord Jesus on the night when he was betrayed took a loaf of bread and when he had given thanks…” -1 Corinthians 11:23
Sociologists, Psychologists, and even Medical Doctors have said that the happiest people on earth are generous people and second to that are grateful people. In my experience, they often go hand in hand. When I focus on all the things I have to be grateful for, it is easier for me to be open-hearted and open-handed to others.
The thing about both gratitude and generosity is that, by definition, neither can be imposed by one person on another. Paul was forever telling churches that they “should” give thanks in in all circumstances. They “should” rejoice in suffering. They “should” praise God no matter what they are going through. He isn’t wrong, but to tell someone who is suffering that they should anything just adds to their pain.
I have had many conversations with people, who have suffered terrible losses. Well-meaning Christians have said things to them along the lines of:
Everything happens for a reason.
God needed another angel in heaven.
God never gives us more than we can handle.
Generally, people say these things in order to make sense of tragedy. It makes them feel better to believe it and they assume it will make everyone else feel better too. Unfortunately, it usually just makes people angry with God or church or both. That makes it isolating more than comforting.
The truth is that the only one who has any control over our response is ourselves. That is actually a really powerful truth. It is true when the world seems to be spinning out of control, when we experience devastating losses, and when we have really big bad emotions, we still get to decide for ourselves how we are going to react to all of it.
Grief is unique and powerful in that we hold both loss and gratitude together. The more we loved something or someone, the more thankful we are to have had it. It is also devastating to be without it. In many cases, we never get over it. It will always be a scar on our heart, but the open wound can heal as we focus on giving thanks for the time we had. As the wound heals, we then have an opportunity to open our hearts in generosity and service to others going through similar things.
In the month of November, we are all invited to give thanks over a meal with our people. Some will have empty seats that were full last year. Others will have new people sitting in chairs (or highchairs). It is a time for both gratitude and grief, love and longing, peace and conflict. I encourage you to try to enter it with an open heart. Learn something new about the people in your life. And when all else fails, give thanks for the little things, because that is what gets us through the big things.
Something I always go back to over and over, is that on the night before he was crucified, Jesus gathered with his friends for a meal. He gave thanks to God for them and fed them even though one was about to betray him, another was about to deny him, and most would abandon him. He gave thanks anyway and enjoyed the time he did have with them. Then one of the first things he did after resurrection was to eat with them again.
It is a holy act to give thanks and eat. When we do so, I believe Jesus is in our midst. Happy Thanksgiving!
